According to science, there is an ideal age to get married to avoid divorce. Relationship expert and author of "The Empowered Wife," Laura Doyle, stopped by to fill us in and bust some common marriage myths.
A recent study from the Institute of Family Studies, which analyzed data collected from the National Survey of Family Growth, has found that waiting to get married is only beneficial to a point. Get married too young and your risk of divorce is higher. But if you wait until you’re 35 to get married, that increases your risk too. According to the study, the magic number for the greatest odds of avoiding divorce is…. 32. Even if you didn't get married at the ideal age, there are so many ways to make your marriage playful and passionate. But there are common myths going around that people fall pray to.
Myth #1 Show You Care by Doing His Laundry
Same goes with making his doctor appointments, packing his lunch and buying his underwear. Those things seem like something he’d appreciate and feel happy you did, but they actually make him feel smothered and mothered. Even if you’re a stay-at-home-mom, consider letting him do more for himself while you take a bath or watch cat videos with your time and energy surplus. Your job (and his too) is to take care of the shorter ones. Let the tall one with the beard figure it out for himself.
Myth #2: Be Supportive By Helping Him
This myth might be the biggest homewrecker on the list. That’s because every wife wants to be helpful to her husband, but most of us don’t realize that making helpful suggestions in wife language translates into criticism and disrespect in husband language. Instead of helping him solve his problem, consider reflecting back to him that he’s smart and capable. Your faith in him means more than your tips on what to do ever could.
Myth #3: Ask How He Feels
My husband hates this one. He doesn’t want to talk about how he feels. I’ve asked him before and he says, “Hungry.” Sometimes he says, “With my hands.” That’s because I’m asking him about my area of expertise—not his. So it would be like asking my husband about something girly—like eyeliner or strapless bras. Women are emotionally brilliant, so that’s our department. Instead of asking him how he feels, ask him what he thinks and ask yourself how you feel. That way, you’re both sticking to your strengths.
Myth #4: Be Willing to Compromise
I haven’t compromised in my marriage for nearly two decades. Neither has my husband. How is that possible? Because we stick to our strengths. I’m focused on my feelings and desires—the seat of feminine power—and he’s focused on what he thinks is best. Therefore, it’s impossible to have a conflict where one of us is wrong and one is right because we’re not even in the same realm. Recently, I wanted to throw out the old phone that was crackling. He thought we should keep it because that phone is the partner of the other phone that works fine, and they’re on the same system. After he told me his thinking, I wanted to keep the phone too. In other words, his thinking influenced me, and then my desire changed. We didn’t come to a compromise because we didn’t need one. We negotiated in our areas of strength and came to agreement. Sure, I was the one who was influenced this time, but sometimes my desires influence his thinking and we reach agreement that way.
Myth #5: It’s Your Job to Make Him Happy
This one could be true, but ONLY if you make him happy by letting him make you happy. In that case, you have this one just right. As soon as he feels successful making you happy again, he will be happier and more confident, too. For greater connection, playfulness and passion no matter how old you were when you got married, the key is to know what you want and give that to yourself.