If dating has become a drag for you, Dating Expert, Alexis Meads, wants to turn that around. She stopped by to share helpful tips
Stop looking at dating as being a winner or loser
—when we look at dating as a game, that inevitably means that we’re either winning or losing. The problem with this is that when you’re constantly trying to win, you’ll most likely put off a desperate energy. This is the energy where you might tend to get clingy, over text, analyze everything the person says (or didn’t say) and try harder to make them like you the more you feel them pulling away. When you’re trying not to lose at dating, you’ll most likely put out the energy of a stone wall. If you don’t let anyone ever get too close, you never have to deal with rejection! You want to be aware of these two energies and stay in the middle — open, vulnerable, and willing to get to know someone while keeping your dignity intact.
Create a dating prep routine!
— a great way to become rejection proof is by changing your state before a date. What I mean by that is ensuring that you’re not going into the date with a nervous or insecure energy, but instead creating one of confidence. You can create your own dating prep routine by having a set of rituals before a date. You might want to hydrate with a glass of water, put on a pump up playlist, dance around your home or go for a power walk, say affirmations, or even practice confident body posture.
Re-frame the way you think about rejection
— Many of us change the meaning and story we give to an event, rather than looking at what actually happened. For example, if you think about serving wine at a dinner party, imagine yourself going around the table offering to top off everyone’s wine glass. It might look something like this, “Susie, I see you’re a bit low on wine, would you like some more?” Susie: Sure! “Great, here you go.” Next person….same thing. Next person….”Kevin, would you like me to top off your wine glass?” Kevin puts a hand over his glass and shakes his head while continuing to talk. Chances are, you don’t think anything of it, and move onto the next person!
You probably don’t create a story around it such as “Oh my gosh my wine is terrible, I am the worst host in the world. I’m so mortified, I’ll never have a dinner party again,” and proceed to crawl up in a ball on the floor. You just wouldn’t do that! So why should it be any different with dating, when the reality is, that often what feels like a rejection is just not a good fit.
Make it a fun numbers game!
— I used to cringe when I heard the word “numbers game”, but I’ve found a way to make dating really fun and have you become rejection proof. Create a list of 1-50. This is your list of rejections. Your goal is to go for 50 rejections! The caveat is that with every rejection when you cross a number off the list, you must have either a learning from the so-called rejection, or a fun story to tell about it. Chances are you won’t get even close to 50 before having success!
Look at all the possibilities on a date
— I always encourage my clients to stop going on first dates with one point of view: Is this person ‘The One’? When we go into a date with that point of view only, we put a considerable amount of pressure on ourselves and the date. We set ourselves up for feeling rejected if this person doesn’t turn out to be ‘The One’, and, we don’t give ourselves time to get to know them before making that decision. Instead, I encourage my clients to go in with the mindset of “This date is going to be a lot of fun and a great chance to get to know someone new. Hey, this person could be ‘The One’, they could also become a great friend, or a future co-worker, you just never know!” That way you open yourself up to all possibilities.