What do exceptionally charismatic people have that we don't? Vanessa Van Edwards, author of "Human Lie Detection and Body Language 101," stopped by tell us....and to teach us how to become more charismatic ourselves!
5 Habits of Exceptionally Charismatic People
We have been studying charismatic people in our Human Behavior Research Lab here in Portland, Oregon. One way we have done this is by studying Ted Talks and videos to find out are there patterns between charismatic and non-charismatic speakers? Why do some videos have millions of views and some only have a few thousand?
We have found the patterns and now we are here to teach you.
Habit #1: Embrace Imperfections
Vulnerability makes people relate to us. It humanizes us. When you are with people, don't be afraid to admit you are nervous or ask for advice.
Habit #2: Don't Be A Conversational Narcissist
My uncle once told me, "You have two ears and one mouth so that should match the rate you speak and listen." I have never forgot those wise words. Charismatic people know how to listen and listen well. They maintain the 2:1 ratio of listening to speaking. The easiest way to speak less and listen more is to:
- Ask tons of clarification questions.
- Instead of staying on the surface at networking events, dig deeper by asking follow-up questions and for examples. Not only will you understand more about them, you also increase your connection. And remember, when you're speaking, you aren't learning.
Habit #3: Gush Don't Gossip
There is a scientific principle called "Spontaneous Trait Transference" this fascinating behavior shows that when you speak ill of someone else people can't help but associate that trait to you. In other words, if you say someone is mean and shallow--the person listening can't help but assign those traits to you as well. This finding shows us why out momma's might have been right when they told us not to gossip! Never, ever speak ill of others. If you want to talk about someone, try gushing. Pick someone who you adore and share all of their awesome qualities. I try very hard to practice gushing, not gossiping and I have found that it is wonderful to speak genuinely about people you respect and admire.
Habit #4: Hand Power
Your hands are your trust indicators. We have found that charismatic people not only keep them visible but use them to emphasize their words.
Habit #5: Deep Gazing
Studies have found that people who deep gaze--by noticing eye color or blink rate have a much stronger connection. When you are with someone:
- Put all of your stuff away--don't hold your phone in your hand, don't leave it on the table, turn the buzzer off.
- Notice their eye color.