Stop being a doormat! Psychotherapist and life coach Didi Zahariades, MA, joined us to share the five steps to you need to learn which can be life changing for your daily life and everyone around you:
- Be concise & figure out what you REALLY want. Most of us are very generic in what we want. --- 'Yeah I guess that will work' is easier to say than, 'No actually I'd like .this.' Yet the outcome is the difference between getting what you want verses settling for something else. One may make you very happy while the other may just work.
- Never settle. Often we think, 'Oh, that's asking too much' --- yet, where did you learn that? If you begin settling for things you don't really want --- where will it end? It is important to keep your standards high; when you drop your expectations often the results leave you unhappy and yet you don't really know why. In personal relationships, often a person will drop her expectations thinking she is making it easier on the other person when in reality he may not even notice the difference.
- Often what will make you happier is easier than you think! Being a door mat isn't attractive. Being a pushover isn't making anyone else's life easier either. Others can't read your mind so you owe it to those around you to be honest with your needs and ASK for what you want. You may be surprised to learn that what will make you happy is much easier to gain once you ask for it!
- When you ASK -Be Specific- in what you want. This isn't kill them with kindness; this is be kind in asking -specifically- for what you want. When you are specific, it makes it easier for those around you. Use a strong voice and simplify what you need. Ask in detail. Then be an Active Listener and listen to the questions from the other person. Be ready to answer the actual question; as opposed to ready with an answer as if you know exactly what will be asked.
- Be ready to Wait. Don't be prepared to accept something "less-than." Just because you want something, doesn't mean it will be available. It doesn't mean it will be easy. It may take more time. High expectations --- specific needs --- take time. This is ok. Be prepared to be patient. Your tolerance will make the process easier for everyone. Don't be prepared to accept less-than what you truly want.
Most important: Watch your self-esteem and confidence grow! When you start to expect more it will show. When you begin to receive more of what you want you will start to feel more comfortable asking&accepting what you need. This is a positive cycle for everyone around you. A large part of getting what you need is believing you are worth it! Your value may be connected with the importance you place on your needs vs. making sure everyone else gets what they need first
For more information, visit Didi's website.