Anyone who engages in an intimate relationship experiences disagreements and arguments along the way. What qualifies as fighting fair essentially comes down to how each partner feels after the fight. If often times you leave a difficult conversation feeling angry, bitter, resentful and even more distant from your partner, it's time to re-evaluate how you fight.
Self Esteem Coach Laure Redmond, author of Feel Good Naked, joined us with some creative ways to fight fair. She says when that next argument rears its ugly voice, try using one or more of these 8 phrases to create a positive, more connected outcome:
- What can 'we' do to make things better right now? This places the focus back on your partner.
- I think it's time for a meditation break. This can do wonders for a disagreement that's bound to take a long time to untangle and ... deep breaths calm and clarify the brain.
- Help me understand where you're coming from-- this is where I get tangled up. It's common for partners to be on entirely different pages ... this statement gets you back on the solution track.
- I'm really sad right now. When you express an honest feeling, nobody feels blamed.
- Is this better or worse than the time we got stranded on the plane for eight hours? Remembering something you overcame together serves as a reminder that you're a team. Bringing up a memory can insight laughter and diffuse the anger.
- I think we need coffee for this conversation. This reminds both of you that you might be on edge because you're hungry or tired ~ and ~ it's a smart stalling tactic.
- Are we having a "cargument"? Being trapped in an enclosed space with someone who might be equally cranky and exhausted is never fun, but when you recognize the pattern and name it, the mood lightens.
- You have great hands. Compliments are helpful when things get out of control, they make a person feel appreciated in an otherwise unappreciative situation.
For more helpful tips, visit Laure's blog.