Reboot Your Relationship's Romance

      Certified Imago Therapist Norene Gonsiewski says that Valentine's Day is a great day to start a year of romance.

      Make this Valentine's Day a time to reset your romantic climate. One of the ways we know that we are loved is when our partner shows us that we are thought of romantically. It brings us security as well as excitement.

      Of course we should be treating our partner romantically every day, but that doesn't happen. We become lazy, resentful or chronically hurt and we don't try. Many people scoff at the holiday as purely commercial and placing undo pressure on one to prove romantic feelings. To some degree that may be true, but on the other hand any holiday is what we make of it. Make it different for you and your partner.

      Romantic overtures need not be expensive. They need to have elements of surprise, take effort and thoughtfulness. Consider doing simple, surprising acts of romance instead of, or in addition to the conventional overtures.


      Have a friend take picture of you holding a sign that says I love you and post it on your sweetie's Facebook page.

      Write a hand written love letter. Mail it to your partner's place of work.

      Stash the kids with grandma and stay home to cook a romantic dinner together. Eat by candlelight and share you favorite things about your sweetie.

      Lastly and more important than all, consider each of you making a list of the small gestures of romance and caring that you most enjoy. A list can be as simple as:

      When you hold my hand when we cross the street
      When you bring me coffee
      When you put your arm around me at the movies
      When you invite me out for a date
      When you ask me to go on an evening walk
      When you send me a suggestive text
      When you open the car door

      You get the point; these are the small behaviors that make you feel loved and special.

      Now exchange the lists and commit to your partner to do at least two things off the list each week. Don't forget. Write it in your calendar to remind you. And by all means do not make it a power play. Do it whether your partner remembers to or not. They will eventually remember and when the love is flowing you will no longer care who went first or did it more often! This will re-romanticize your relationship and keep the spirit of Valentine's Day throughout your year.