Vanessa Van Edwards is an expert at reading body language. She joined us with a lesson on how to avoid conflict and make everyone feel at ease during Thanksgiving and the holiday season.
You'll find more great information from Vanessa on her Science of People website.
How to Read Your Family's Body Language: Thanksgiving Edition
Thanksgiving can be an interesting time for familiesyou have lots of family getting together after long absences, new significant others, too much food and old memoriesboth good and bad.
[Note: Would love to hear Helen and Dave's Thanksgiving experiences through out!]
Here are some fun tips for your Thanksgiving with the family.
What: Mimicry is when you subtly mimic or copy the body language of the person you are speaking with. Anytime you want something to go more smoothly you can use mimicry to build rapport. This is actually fun to do because they will feel welcome, heard and instantly more comfortable. We even do this subconsciously on dates where we like someone or when we are trying to make a new friend.
When: This is if you are a new boyfriend or girlfriend visiting home for the first time or if you have a guest coming who you want to make welcome or a difficult aunt who always makes a fuss.
2. Watch for Lip Pursing
What: Lip pursing is when the lips push together. People subconsciously do this when they are holding something back. We purse our lips when we want to say something but are either being interrupted or think we shouldn't say what's really on our minds.
When: My Grandma is the queen of lip pursing and my mom does it when one of my siblings or I do something we know she doesn't approve oflike grabbing a roll out of the basket before dinner is served or turning on the football game in the den. When you see this you know that the person is holding back.
3. Pay Attention to Confrontation Clues
What: Inevitably there is usually some kind of confrontation that happens when a lot of family gets together, especially when wine is flowing. But, nothing is worse than family fighting over the holidays only for it to be re-kindled at Christmas. There are two clues to know when confrontation is coming and to block it from erupting into a fight.
*A chin jut, which means anger
*Battle stance with hands on your hips and feet widely planted.
When: If a tense subject comes up and you see a chin jut or someone goes into battle stance it is time to change the subject or move roomstime for dessert anyone?
4. Host's and Hostesses Have Hospitable Body Language
What: If you are hosting or just want to make a good impression, besides mimicry be sure to have 'friendly body language' which is avoiding crossing your arms and smiling while direct eye gazing.
When: Use this when greeting guests or chatting with a group. If you are trying to make someone feel comfortable keep your arms loose and look them in the eye with a smile and nod. This is the most encouraging body language you can do.