Certified Imago Therapist Norene Gonsiewski shared women's top five frustrations with their husbands and offered solutions for getting back that lovin' feelin'.
1. Communication. Women's number one frustration is the lack of talking about thoughts, feelings, events of the day, opinions, and appreciations. You name it.
Husbands are distant and not show their emotions. When you ask them what they are feeling or thinking, they respond, "nothing". Their body language often shows a different story. The problem here is that women do not feel a close connection to their husband and then begin to pressure the husband to open up. His perception is that nothing was wrong, he wasn't feeling anything and now he is feeling somethingangry. From here a fight ensues.
2. Wives still feel that their husbands are affectionate as a means to initiate sexual intimacy, versus affection being given throughout the course of daily interactions.
3 Husbands are not romantic enough. Wives remember that during courtship their husband brought gifts, showed affection, surprised them with little adventures, freely gave compliments, maybe sent them romantic text messages. Now that the deal is sealed wives wonder, where did that other guy go?
4. Men still do not do 50% of the domestic chores. Wives are frustrated that they also work, or work tirelessly at home, but are responsible for the lion's share of the daily household needs.
5. Their husband does not compliment them, give verbal appreciations for a job well done and tell them that they are beautiful, alluring, an incredible mom, etc.
1. Women can take responsibility for how they initiate communication. Make sure you use a "soft start-up" versus a complaint or criticism. Consider taking a couple's communication class through a counselor or your church. There are also online downloadable versions of these courses. Take it together. Carve out time to talk for 15 minutes per day, a date once a week and a longer talk once per week.
2. Initiate affection with your partner frequently and regularly. If you want more love, first try to be a better lover. When your husband is affectionate, or gives you non-sexual affection, drop what you are doing and receive it fully. Thank him for the delicious hug, the wonderful kiss, the gentle arm around your shoulder. Take his hand when you are on a walk. The number one thing men want more of is affection as well!
3. Men also want romance. Be an active contributor to planning and implementing romantic gestures. Try saying, "Hey, we have gotten too busy. Let's find time for romance. Would you like to _______________?
4. Chores. This is a big one. Suggest to your spouse in an non-attacking way, to each make up a list of all the chores you each feel you do on a regular basis and include the frequency. Sit down over a cup of coffee and share those lists. Maybe it is more equitable than you think. Maybe you weren't counting changing light bulbs, stacking wood, etc. as chores. If it has to be done then it is a chore. Talk about whether or not you are each happy with the distribution and what you are each willing to take on. Important note: If your spouse does chores like cleaning and cooking, no complaining about their way of doing. If you want control over the standards you have to pay for a professional or do it yourself.
5. For a while you may need to sit down with your spouse and request that you both share appreciations that you have for the other. This is a good thing to do anyway, even in couples that freely flatter. But it is especially helpful as a jump-start and at the least you will hear flattering things once a week.