How to keep the spice in your relationship
PORTLAND, Ore. —
After a long day it’s nice to unwind, and some people like to head to the bedroom.
But sometimes your home life - like kids and crying babies - gets in the way of your sex life.
“There’s physical reasons. There’s emotional reasons. There’s so much that goes into having a good sex life with your partner,” says Alyssa Siegel, a Portland sex and relationship therapist.
It doesn’t have to be the kids, though. It can be putting in long hours at work or volunteering your time: We tend to lead exhausting lives.
“If their partners are not really doing the same amount of physical or emotional labor around the house, the last thing they’re going to want to do is give them more,” Siegel says.
Siegel says it’s often her female clients blowing off steam.
“Certainly men are doing more than they used to, but it still doesn’t generally feel like an equal balance,” she says.
Siegel encourages people to create a fair division of labor in your home. Next, she tells people to prioritize self-care.
“The more we recharge ourselves, the more likely we’re going to have energy to continue to put in other relationships,” Siegel says.
She says to go on dates with your partner often and do something new, like a cooking class or perhaps rock climbing, instead of that same old restaurant.
“You’re energized, excited, and you see something new in your partner,” Siegel says.
That new energy could translate into fireworks in the bedroom. But if your bedroom’s not ready for the sparks, “If we’re in a space that feels cluttered and chaotic, it generally makes us feel the same,” Siegel says. “We internally start to feel more anxious or stressed or cluttered ourselves.”
She says the real key to keeping your sex life blossoming is you have to communicate so you don’t miss the signals about when it’s time to connect.