The internal chatter that says: you're not ready to lead, you're not enough of an expert, you're not good enough at this or that; is the harsh voice of self-doubt. Our Confidence Coach Laure Redmond joined us to share how to develop more compassion and less self-criticism:
- Learn to Recognize Your Critical Inner Voice For some, this critical inner voice is most prominent around their professional lives. For others, it comes up around their competence as parents or partners. For others, it speaks most loudly about appearance, body image or aging. And for others, this voice is loudest about creative dreams. Instead of allowing this voice to be the background noise of your life, learn how to live with this inner critic of self-doubt, but not be directed by it; to hear the voice and not give it authority.
- Tell a Trusted Person About It Talk to someone about the most vicious things you say to yourself about yourself. The more people share their stories out loud, the more support becomes available through learning that others, who might even profile as confident, hear the same irrational, harsh critical thoughts inside their heads.
- Recognize the High Cost Think of all the ideas unshared, businesses not started, important questions not raised, talents unused. Think of all the fulfillment and joy not experienced because self-doubt prevented you from going for the opportunities that would bring fulfillment.
- The Protection Instinct The inner critic is an expression of the safety instinct — the part of us that wants to be protected from potential emotional risk—from hurt, failure, criticism, disappointment or rejection. The inner critic speaks up when we are exposing ourselves to a real or perceived vulnerability; something that brings up fear, embarrassment, rejection, failure or pain.
- Carry On Anyway Liberation comes from realizing you are not your critical voice. You are the person aware of the critical voice. You are the person feeling perplexed by it or bummed out by it or believing it. You are the person trying to understand it and work with it and get rid of it. The critic is not the core of you. By literally saying to yourself: “Oh, I’m hearing the critic right now”, you can remember that’s all it is and move forward despite its sharp jabs.
- Acceptance is Your Very Best Friend! The courage and work of Self-compassion is accepting exactly where you are at this exact second. Acceptance is defined as: the action or process of being received as adequate or suitable. All of your feelings and thoughts - even those of the inner critic - deserve to be received as adequate and suitable. That’s it. Once you accept the voice of the inner critic, she or he or they immediately transform into something else.
You can listen to Laure on "Feel Good Naked Radio." For more helpful information, visit Laure's website. She's also available for private coaching for individuals or groups.