Codependency is a learned behavior that is often passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual's ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. Adult codependency is often the result of being an emotionally deprived child whose love needs were not met. Codependency comes from intrinsically believing you are not worthy. Confidence Coach Laure Redmond joined us with some steps to help you break free:
- Make Recovery a First Priority: Pay close attention to how often you put your own needs, feelings and desires in the background. Ask yourself if you worry about others needs to the point where there is no space for your own expressions.
- Are You Addicted to Denial: Instead of working through pain, do you dream of how your relationships COULD be, rather than what truly is. Pay attention to the problems you ignore or pretend are not there.
- Have You Become a Workaholic: Many co-dependent people become workaholics in an effort to stay busy and not to feel their emotions, or because they don't feel worthy of love. Make friends, join a club, become a volunteer, take classes - whatever it takes to develop community apart from the work escape.
- Create Relationship Boundaries: Stop carrying others, instead learn how to walk with them hand in hand. And when that's not possible - and the disconnection in the relationship has become too wide, learn to say "enough" and allow yourself to step away. Fuzzy boundaries don't serve anyone.
- Validate Your Predicaments: Get in touch with your feelings and attitudes about all aspects of your personality. Learn to live with feelings of fear, unresolved anger or loneliness - accepting that suffering is a portal to higher self-esteem and self-worth and teach yourself to focus on your own curves of transformation, not someone else's.
- Know the Difference between Helping and Enabling: Make the distinction between help that makes someone stronger and help that fosters dependency. Certainly there are times when others genuinely need your help, care and support. However when "help" prevents someone from learning something he or she needs to know, don't rush in - that is not help.
- You Can't Avoid Heartbreak and Abandonment: It's part of being alive. Be vulnerable and visible and learn to grieve fully and without judgment so you can be present in your life and don't have to escape into someone else's.
- Raise Your Standards: Surround yourself with the people who while in their company, you feel good, not small. Choose people who share high values, interests and goals and who each have the capacity for intimacy.
For more helpful information, visit Laure's website. She's also available for private coaching for individuals or groups.