Make Online Dating Work for You

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If you're single and not doing online dating, Kelly Hoffman says you're missing out in a big way! The local dating expert stopped by to share tips to make online dating work for you.

Why you need to do online dating, and how to make it work for you!

Quartz Magazine released some important data specific to online dating. In this article, they cited that 40% of all couples last year met online, with the numbers of people meeting through friends, work, and community in sharp decline. (1995 - 2017 the number of couples who met through friends went from 33% to 20%) . “Dating has gone from a community endeavor to an individual quest”. Additionally, the numbers of single adults over the age of 45 have sharply increased. That means that older adults are dealing with dating in a culture that does not have the structures built in to facilitate in-person dating (like college and social gatherings for young people).

The bottom line is that your chances of dating success GREATLY increase when you use online dating. However, if you are like the over 30% of online dating users who are on an online dating site but never go on a date, you need to learn how to Make Online Dating Work for You.

5 Simple Rules to Follow to Make Online Dating Work for You

1.Keep it local. - I recommend this to all my clients! Some live in areas where they have to open up their search because there just aren’t enough people around, but in general, stay away from long distance. I have had it work, but its harder to verify and I have to do a lot of coaching. Local is easier to verify.

2.Keep it Safe - Keep yourself physically safe, emotionally safe, and financially safe. GET A GOOGLE NUMBER that you use for the 1st MONTH of dating!! Seriously, it is just good mentally if nothing else to have that barrier.

  • Meet somewhere public for a while. Vet them, do not makeup excuses or explanations for why their “stories” don’t match up.
  • Only talk/contact during “normal” times, no late-night, no long talks before you meet. It engages emotional attachment too quickly and easily to do otherwise.
  • Don’t give anyone money. No matter what horrible thing happened to them.

3.Be Specific - Be specific about who you are and what you want. Most people tend to write their profiles and present themselves in order to be universally appealing. What happens is they go out on a lot of dates with “nice” guys/gals who aren’t a good fit, and get turned off to online dating. Think of it this way, you want the right person to read your profile and go “whoah, they sound cool” and the wrong person to read your profile and go “not for me”.

4.Don’t take ANYTHING personally - it’s great when people don’t text back, return calls, respond, whatever. Its a reflection of it not being a fit, and (possibly) a reflection of the kind of person they are, NOT a reflection on you.

5.Make sure you have pain “radar” not a pain “thermometer”.

Radar spots incoming problems. Thermometers gauge the magnitude of a problem. This is about boundaries. Online dating only works when you have the ability to spot that someone could be a problem, immediately and delightfully figure out whether they are or not, and act accordingly. Every text, every phone call, every date, you are learning about them. Do not ignore warning signs, but don’t run away. Be curious, be delightful, and be clear about how you allow yourself to be treated.