You know one-- a person that can't seem to think about anything or anyone except himself or herself. Confidence Coach Laure Redmond joined us to share things never to say to a narcissist:
- "What is your part in this" Don’t expect them to take personal responsibility for their negative actions. Narcissists rarely apologize or admit fault. They have no interest in owning up to what they do - unless it’s an opportunity to take credit. If you want to point out their role in a problem do so because you need to say it, not because you expect them to validate your concerns.
- “You are not listening to me” It’s not that they won’t listen, it’s that they can only half-listen. Narcissists would rather be talking. You will be repeatedly disappointed if you expect them to show compassion, tell the truth or share the spotlight. People with narcissism approach others as sources of gratification, not as equals.
- “Let it go” Narcissists create drama around them in order to create protection around their stories. They use words as tools or weapons more than as truth. They have a bottomless hunger for attention. This usually is a result of a shaky sense of self. Knowing this can free you from false expectations and allow you to set boundaries accordingly.
- “Stop acting like a victim” Narcissists don’t see themselves as victims. They often believe it is someone else’s fault and they will often turn that person into a villain to anyone who will listen. Blaming or shaming someone else, coupled with the victim mentality is classic narcissistic patterning.
- “You did not teach Frank Sinatra how to sing” Narcissists sustain themselves with boastful, exaggerated claims that make them feel important, such as friendships with celebrities - awards - even when those claims are some version of a lie. Correcting them only reinforces their low self-esteem and fear that they are not good enough.
- “Stop acting like a bully” The fact that something might be hurtful to you is irrelevant to the narcissist; they don’t truly care how you feel because they can't understand how you feel (think lack of empathy or compassion). Even still, explaining your feelings is better than labeling the narcissist, which is likely to make them even more forceful about their outrageous position.
- “It’s not about you” But it is; everything is
You can listen to Laure on "Feel Good Naked Radio." For more helpful information, visit Laure's website. She's also available for private coaching for individuals or groups.